As you get to know me better, you’ll know things that my kids may someday pay you to keep to yourself. This is a great reason to keep track of me. Think of it as retirement planning. Just fill out that email signup over there and the money may well come flowing one day. No promises, though.

Don’t you, by the way, get annoyed with promises coming at you in the mail and on your phone and email? You know what I mean. I have gotten a garden catalog in the mail for years. Most of the catalogs have a big red sticker on the front: “Warning: this may be the last catalog you receive unless you order.” Yeah, yeah, big promises. I’ve never ordered. I’d be OK if this were the last catalog but no such luck.

I’ve been promised that the IRS is about to pick me up if I don’t pay my past-due IRS bill with a Target gift card. And that this is my last chance to get that great loan (no fine print mentioned). What? They’ll leave me alone if I miss my last chance?

I don’t make promises like that. I promise.

OK, I digress. I call this squirreling, but I’m not going to explain that today or I’ll never get to my story. What was I talking about again?

Oh, yeah, I’ve had several jobs in my life, none related to the one before as far as I can tell. I’ve been a property manager for four years. Managing rental units provides endless story possibilities. That’s almost a good enough reason to keep managing.

As you can imagine, we occasionally have tenants who don’t pay their rent. This particular tenant not only got behind on his rent, but he had creative excuses. One month, his check must have gotten stolen since we hadn’t gotten it.

In fact, the police had contacted him about the stolen check, and he was getting another one issued. We asked, could he send us a copy of the police report? Of course not, since the police were in another state.

What, they hadn’t heard of faxing or email?

He did get that rent payment paid. It was sort of the sweet-and-sour-sauce with that tenant. One month, he was great and the next, lots of complaints and no rent.

I reported the final events to my business partner, who is also my sister, Ann, via texts:

Me; “Guess what? No rent today again.”

Ann: “Still nothing? Didn’t he promise?”

Me: “Yep.” Captain Obvious is my texting handle.

Ann: “Can’t you just email him and tell him to send us his kidney.”

I was typing, “I’m OK with a kidney,” when Ann answered, “No! Ack! Money. Not kidney. Money”

I liked kidney better.