In a world far, far away, in a time nearly forgotten, my college roommate, Phyllis, and I buckled on skis to ride a T-bar lift.

T-bar lifts are extinct today. (That’s not accurate. See the footnote if you care.)

Back then, T-bars ferried skiers to the top of the mountain while weeding out the unworthy.

You’ll have to decide that part.

A T-bar requires two skiers to step into the loading area, grab a vertical pole attached to overhead cables, and stand as the crossbar hits your thighs.

Here are the rules:

Rule #1: Don’t sit on the bar.

Rule #2: Keep your skis pointed straight forward at all times.

Rule #3: Keep your balance while the terrain bucks like ocean waves under your feet. 

Rule #4: Choose the right person for the trip up the mountain.

We stepped into the loading area and up we went. I slid up the incline, my skis holding straight.

Phyllis’ skis, on the other hand, began making giant S-curves on the slope. “Whoooooaaaaa,” she yelled.

I clung to the center pole until the T-bar bucked, twisting to the side, and dumping me onto the snow. The heel of my ski caught on the crossbar , dragging me up the mountain on my back. 

After some frantic kicking, I broke free of the t-bar and rolled to the side through deep powder to escape the next pair of skiers.

I lost track of Phyllis.

I finally shoved through the trees and stood at the edge of the wide slope.

As I was resettling my goggles, which were resting more on my ear than my nose, Phyllis skied to a stop beside me.

She gave me a once-over. “What happened to you?” She had righted the T-bar after it dumped me and made it to the top of the slope. Now she looked like a sleek skier while I looked like a snowball.

I could have pointed out that she broke Rule #2 and #3. I could have complained about snow dribbling off my stocking cap. 

But I had broken Rule #4. And that might have been the most important one.

Footnote: Today, out of approximately 2,400 ski lifts in the USA, only 88 are T-bars. They’re cheaper to install and operate. But they have more rules.